A brain reframe to stop your people-pleasing habit

When you people — please it’s all about you. How selfish!

Now that’s a reframe to mess with your head.

No, I am not casting everyone who ever slips into people-pleasing mode as an ego-maniac or uncaring type.

I am simply drawing your attention to the self-centred property of people-pleasing.

‘I want… to be liked, loved, approved of.’

The very definition of ‘selfish’ surely.

Selfish: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being ..

You will notice I left a few words off the end.

… ‘without regard for others.’

That part doesn’t fit…

When you create content for posts, pitches and presentations — referring to a piece of news will resonate with your audience.

But just delivering it as a bland fact or two — doesn’t say much about you and might not clamp onto the story receivers in your audiences members brains.

How can you increase the impact — in an authentic and original way?

Find the sweet spot of ‘real you, real them, real world’

Let me demonstrate by weaving some of my unique story into the mix.

The use of story is already taking you to that sweet spot of…


This article looks at what happens when you are presenting online — where the audience is a series of little boxes on a screen.

Online presenting — does that feel better or worse than live presenting?

Hang on.

Let’s not start with that question.

Let’s start with this question.

What makes presenting more enjoyable?

I believe the answer is this:

Presenting either online or to a live audience is more enjoyable when your audience are engaged.

So the next question is:

What does an ‘engaged’ audience look and feel like?

  • They look focused — displaying a ‘listening body language’.

How to stop being afraid of sharing your achievements

Let’s start this exploration of ‘dumbing down’ with a quote from a rather beautiful book — ‘Untamed’ by Glennon Doyle.

Ten is when children begin to hide who they are in order to become what the world expects them to be.

So we start at your start. Your early years.

Not just you though.

Doyle’s argument is that we all get tamed in our childhood and it is down to us to unlock the cage as we get older.

What are the signs that, in your business world at least, that…

How to compare with curiosity — not animosity.

2 different kinds of prickly cactus plants in pots comparing themselves
2 different kinds of prickly cactus plants in pots comparing themselves

How are you comparing?

A question with a double meaning.

Do I mean — ‘How well are you doing — compared to the ‘others’?’

Or do I mean — ‘When you compare yourself with others — how are you doing that comparing?’

We all do the comparing thing — driven by a survival instinct.

Well, that is a sensible thing to do if you are sizing up your enemy in a potential fight to the death.

The problem is, we do it in so many situations where life and death are not…

Question your uninvited and self-stuck labels.

Labels are for canned peaches, not for people. Danielle Krysa

Believing that being yourself won’t limit you is not as easy as it sounds. Every barrier to owning that belief has to be forensically explored — and ‘labelling’ is one of these barriers.

Let’s take a brief look at the uninvited and self-stuck labels and how we can spot the limiting effects — so we are motivated to rip them off!

Labels stuck on by others

How many times did you get labelled as you were growing up?

I am not saying your parents, friends and teachers were being deliberately unhelpful — they were just being human.

You will have used labeling to make a quick explanation…

How Fear makes People-pleasers of us.

Photo by Henrikke Due on Unsplash

Are you over-giving and under-expressing for fear of displeasing and disappointing? Beware your inner people-pleaser child!

Doh! You did it again!

You just said ‘yes’ when you knew you should have said ‘no — nicely!

You are a confident, competent individual — not a doormat!

You are not alone if you keep falling into the all too human ‘people-pleaser’ trap?

But what are the signs, why is it happening and how you climb back out and own your identity and ideas once more?

Get forensic!

How to feel comfortable doing videos and webinars when you can’t see and hear your audience

Admission — I do not have a problem with this! After decades of experience as an actor and speaker — I have simply learnt some skills that apply even when the audience is virtual and invisible.

Does this mean I am too smug to help you?


I get it! I have worked with many clients on this — and the good news is I have reverse engineered the ‘fears’ and I have the mindset/content/delivery tactics for you.

The process I use with clients is based on looking at these 3 ingredients of ‘presenting’ confidence — so let’s use these…

Starting point — what is ‘Quiet Assertiveness’?

Good question. Here are 3 more:

  • What do you think of when you hear the word ‘assertive’?
  • Would you want to be described as ‘assertive’?
  • Do you describe other people as ‘assertive’ — and if so — why?

Was there anything in your answers that veered off towards ‘aggressive’ or ‘bossy’ territory?

In other words — do you have some niggly associations that might hold you back from being fully assertive?

I often talk about calling out the FIBs that stand between us and our full and fabulous impact. Fears, illusions and baggage!

Our associations formed in early years our…

All action in theatre must have inner justification, be logical, coherent, and real.

Konstantin Stanislavski

Trust me to start with a theatre-related quote — but it is apt.

I experienced this ‘coherent’ feeling as I developed as an actor — only when I found it did I truly enjoy being in ‘flow’ — another state to aim for in your public speaking adventures. I understand the part that coherence plays in the process of engaging an audience. To engage must be the goal for any speaker .

Have you ever been presenting or giving a talk and felt like that…

Trisha Lewis

Professional communicator. I help people have impact as themselves. Author — ‘The Mystery of the Squashed Self’. www.trishalewis.com

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