People Pleasing is Selfish

When you people — please it’s all about you. How selfish!

Woman sat on rock all alone looking out into the wilderness

5 self-sabotaging consequences of seeking to be liked and accepted.

  1. You go along with other people’s ideas and opinions in public — and disagree in the privacy of your own head. You alienate yourself from yourself and deny people the chance to get to know you.
  2. You tiptoe around the edges of showing up as the whole you — only showing the ‘nice’ bits. You feel like a ‘nobody’. You begin to lose a sense of self as you swim in the pool of conformity.
  3. You sublimate your ‘I want’ at the alter of ‘I should’. You keep telling your brain that ‘wanting things for yourself’ is selfish and bad. You keep embedding a message laid down a long time ago.
  4. You lose boundaries. You are indecisive. You sprinkle your requests with ‘maybe’ ‘only if you..’ ‘don’t want to be a pain…’ ‘have a think about it…’
  5. You are mortally hurt by the slightest hint of criticism that you have fought so hard to avoid. You are re-living that one ‘dodgy’ thing you said 2 weeks later. Ruminating. Convinced ‘they’ are too!

What lies behind your people-pleasing.

5 mantras to break your people-pleasing habit

  1. I can’t live my life seeking to avoid rejection — not possible. Get used to it! Treat it as a fascinating learning experience!
  2. It is good (not bad) to be able to ask for what I want.
  3. I will swap ‘I should’ for ‘I really want’.
  4. Get out of my head and be present. Be curious and ask questions. Listen. Stop being so selfish!
  5. If they don’t like the ‘unsquashed me’ then — we are just not compatible — simple. No harm done.
  • People-pleasing is not the same as being a nice person.
  • People-pleasing is selfish! You are not a selfish person.

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Writing about all the stuff that has an impact on our impact. Communication skills and mindset. Author of The Mystery of The Squashed Self. www.trishalewis.com

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Trisha Lewis

Trisha Lewis

Writing about all the stuff that has an impact on our impact. Communication skills and mindset. Author of The Mystery of The Squashed Self. www.trishalewis.com

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